The tug o'war with healing

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I remember being in Oslo last year, going to sleep sometimes around 4 or 5pm, because I was the most tired I had felt, ever.  I knew that it was all part of my lyme disease but I will never forget the indescribable level of fatigue.  I specifically remember saying that I wanted to admit myself to a hospital so someone could feed me and take care of me. I was too tired to do it myself. Well..... be careful what you wish for.  Read on.  It was in June that my health took me down and I did need someone just to roll me over in bed....

Massive change requires transformation.  And it's become clear to me that there is a difference between learning and transformation....

There's nothing I've experienced more potently lately than lessons, lessons, lessons.

A few months ago, I would have said that my health has "forced" me or "given me no choice" but to pause.  To feel.  And once I paused and I felt, I had to sit with it, literally, because I couldn't get off the couch.  Or on the toilet.  Or off of the toilet.  Or even turn over in bed.  Or put the covers on me or pull them off of me. 

Since, my perspective has softened and my patience has grown, and I would say that my health has showed me that surrendering is safe and it is the only way to heal.  That there is a gift in all of this.  My health has showed me how important it was to let.go of any fixed idea that I had of myself and to throw any plans I had out the window.

I'm way more compassionate.  My patience is improving. My mediation practice is way more powerful.  How I spend my time and my energy has taken a 180.  I am in no hurry to execute my ideas.  My resistance to anything has dissipated and it feels freaking incredible.  I've let go of control.  The list goes on....

You see things when you slow down. 

Answers arrive when you slow down. 

The world is a different place when you slow down.

I still can hardly squeeze my own tooth paste, pump soap to wash the dishes, and take the plastic seal off of the almond milk.  It's  still really hard to stand up or sit down. 

I'm still recovering from a massive kick in the ass from lyme disease.  Let's be honest though, I've been in pain for years.  Over three, to be exact.  And for almost three of those years, I hovered, JUST above rock bottom.  Trying to be strong.  Not letting this lyme disease win.  However, it was in June that I feel I was whacked with a crow bar behind the knees over and over again.  Every time I tried to walk, I fell back onto the couch in tears.  I was stuck.  Literally.

I was told by the universe to sit.  And to cry.  And to wail loudly until there were no more tears.

I was told by the universe that I can keep my career that I've built and my traveling life, but my habits need to change 100000%.

I was told by the universe to protect myself because I am a powerful leader and my energy will be sucked away by anyone who holds any envy or dishonest intentions.

I was told by the universe to WAKE UP.

Stop hugging people while I heal.  Stop focusing on what I can't do anymore.  Stop focusing on what I can't eat anymore.  Stop responding to my emails and planning new events.

Just be.  Literally, be.  And while I am "being", zero planning.  Zero figuring out what dinner will be that night.  Zero talking about my issues.   Just be.  Mediate more.  and more.  Stare at the sky more and more.  Trust more and more.

And so it began.

It sometimes takes me a week to respond back to you via email.  Even worse, sometimes I forget.

I've learned that energetic action is WAYYYYYY more potent and effective than the action of "doing". 

I'm really good at sitting around and taking naps when I need to.  I'm really good at saying no to social events or if I don't, I take part and then leave when I find it appropriate for my own energy.  Nobody else's.

Now don't get me wrong.  I still have my days.  Yeserday was one of them.  I am so tired of the quality of life I have -- meaning, I feel I am always always always in pain -- and I cry.  I feel impatient.  And then I realize, 3 years is not that long of a time to be dealing with a chronic illness.  Healing takes time.  Sometimes decades.  Or sometimes it takes as long as it takes until we learn what we need to learn from it all.

Having a so-called "invisible" disease makes you feel like you have to explain yourself because you look seemingly "normal".  I've learned to say: fuck that.  I don't need to explain myself to anyone.  Someone asked me why I was walking funny and I politely said, I'm healing.  End.of.story.

The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.

For me, I am learning that I'm not so influential when I go 150mph.

I'm more inspirational when I tend to me.  When I have strict boundaries.  When I teach others to do the same. 

It feels more meaningful.  And it definitely feels more connected. 

As any entrepreneur knows, selling yourself and what you offer is part of the gig.  Always.  At events.  On social media.  Polishing your website daily.  It's always ON.  There's always a buzz in the brain.  And if you dare take a break or take a day off, you might just lose momentum. 

At least, that's what I thought.

But I've learned that the buzz prevents me from truly being present. 

I need to tend to my own personal vibration first and then things begin to feel effortless.

What I've also been sitting with is what I initially mentioned:  there's a difference between learning and transformation.  I've been experiencing a deep and structural shift in my feelings and actions and thoughts and it has potently and positively affected my way of being in this world. 

When we transform, expand, shed layers, step into our true selves, or whatever you want to call it, once you do it, there's no going back.  We can never contract to our original size.  Once you know, you can't "unknow".  It's a strange act of surrendering into the unknown.  It's hard to articulate for me.  It's almost as if you need to find your ground all over again because you're getting to know the new you.

Often when we are not ourselves, we resist.  We talk about "what is" and wonder why it's taking so long to stop being sad, or start feeling better, or get rid of our pain, or finally let go.  There is no one way.  There is no time line.  And the more we resist, the longer it takes.

There is a moment in time where everything stops.  It's calm, deeply satisfying, and the need to prove who you have become, what you have accomplished and why you do what you do, does not need a reason.

Healing isn't a straight line up and out of the rabbit hole.  It's a bit jagged and it goes up and down and sometimes backwards.  Yet having the tools to crawl out of the rabbit hole is key and if you're not sure where to even start, start with appreciating the smallest things in your life right now.  And if you ever find yourself on your knees, stay there in appreciation a little longer.

There's always opportunity. 

Lessons. 

Transformation.

Gratitude.

Did you know that the word for obstacle in ancient Chinese is also the same word for opportunity? 

So if you need to cry, cry. 

If you are wondering why you freak out or cry or feel scared around a certain situation, stop questioning.  Let it be.

If you are wondering why you are not healthy yet or why you are still grieving, be easy on yourself.

The more we can allow,

the more we can let it be,

the more we can be in the flow,

the more clarity we have. 

the more the answers present themselves,

the more we learn,

the more we transform and shed and expand and grow.

The brain wants to organize.  It wants to color code and put things in specific files in the filing cabinet. 

But the heart, it knows.  You just need to pause long enough to listen to it.

Trust, trust and trust.

As much as I cursed every single thing I couldn't do yesterday, I had to giggle and cry and laugh at it all.  And sleep.  A LOT. 

I've cultivated such a deep knowing that it's simply part of the ride.  If I wished to be healthy tomorrow, I would miss all of the insight in-between.  And there's something amazingly satisfying [and painful] about growing a new pair of wings.

xo

This Granola Smells Like Fall

It's definitely fall in these Rocky Mountains, but I can appreciate that comforting smell at any time of the year.  Here's a super quick and easy recipe for granola that will last you for days! 

Ingredients:

(and this is what I had on tap this morning. It changes, so feel free to use what's available in your kitchen)

3 cups rolled oats

1 cup almonds

1 cup pecans

1/2 cup pumpkin seeds

1 cup coconut flakes (I added a bit more because I love the texture of coconut flakes)

2 tsp. vanilla

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4 cup coconut oil

1/3 cup maple syrup

1 tsp. vanilla (sometimes I pour a little over)

 

Directions:

Preheat oven:  325 degree F.

Mix first 7 ingredients together in a bowl (oats, nuts, seeds, coconut, vanilla and salt).  Set aside.

In a small saucepan, heat up 1/4 cup coconut oil. Once it has melted, add the maple syrup and vanilla.  Stir into bowl that was set aside with granola mixture. I use a rubber spatula to really get in there and make sure everything is mixed nicely.

Next step is not necessary, but makes for a great texture: Get out your high speed blender or food processor. Transfer about 2/3 of the granola mixture to the blender/processor and pulse.  Just make sure you don't turn this into dust.  You still want some chunks.  The purpose of this is to break down the mixture a little bit.

Once you are satisfied with what your blended/pulsed mixture looks like, transfer that back to the bowl with the other 1/3.  Mix well.

Spread mixture onto a cookie sheet that has been oiled with coconut oil (today I used a deeper set pan). Use a rubber spatula to push down the mixture firmly.

Place in oven for 20-25 minutes on 325 F.  Do continually check on your granola -- as it can easily burn. 

**Side notes:

>I churn up the granola about 17 minutes in.

>Sometimes the granola takes up to 30-35 minutes to cook.

>I'll top it off with a minute or two (NO MORE) on the broiler setting to give it an extra crunch.

Enjoy!

I love to add it to a bowl of yogurt with blackberries or just eat it plain!

xo

I forgot my underwear at the doctor's office....

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I was wearing a dress, so I didn't have to change into a robe for my lady doctor.  All I had to do was take off my underwear.  Maybe too much information, but now it's justified, maybe?  I find the situation quite humorous.

I didn't leave my underwear behind on purpose (obviously), but sometimes brain fog consumes you, especially when you also have an immense amount of pain just trying to survive in public.

Pain is a teacher.

You know how when you can't do something, you get around yourself to make it happen?  You'll overcompensate here or under compensate there.  You find "clever skills" you never knew you had.  It's the same effort with pain.  Except with pain, you learn very quickly that you can't get around yourself.  At least in my case, these last few months, I've felt stuck, literally.

I still can't dress myself 100%.  I still have trouble sitting down and standing up.  I still have to teach with my shoes on because my feet are painful.  I still have days of immense brain fog (hence leaving my own underwear behind).  But from where I was a few months ago to now, I have tears of immense gratitude.  

Healing is the most patient process I have ever experienced.  And let me be clear:  I fought the healing process for many years.  I did not make an active choice to surrender; my body did it for me.  Take note of those signs that ask you to slow down before a 2x4 figuratively plows you over.  I'm someone who likes to go, who likes to play outside, who doesn't want to stop seeing the world, who is always thinking of new ideas and jumping up and down about them.  Until I couldn't....

It's  quite interesting to me as we live in this world of instant gratification, we want to be healed NOW.  It's as if we planted a field of sunflowers and immediately after covering the seed with dirt, we were discouraged that the flower hadn't appeared.  Let's admit, we do it with many things nowadays: why doesn't this diet work, why doesn't this fitness routine work, why hasn't the world changed after protesting, why doesn't my skin look good after one use of a new product, etc, etc.  I know you can relate.

Healing has taught me to slow the F down. And I mean, WAAAYYYYYYY down. Cancelling trips. Sitting down to meditate more than once a day. Learning to 'DO" nothing. That is a huge pill to swallow. Usually I'll be "doing" nothing and within that space, I think of all the things I could be "doing". In the over stimulated world we live in today, it's exceptionally hard to not feel guilty or lazy or unaccomplished or even unsuccessful when you're sitting around because you know you need to.

All of this sitting around and quieting my mind has taught me that this is the only way to move forward. To heal. To drop myself and the low vibration "shoulds".

I use to think that the pause would only hold me back. Hinder me. Cause me to miss out. Lose momentum in my career. And now, I almost laugh and cry at the same time about that belief I held. No pain, no gain, right? No hard work, no accomplishments, right?

I feel as if I know myself better than ever.  And the most beautiful realization for me is, I'm only just beginning.  I feel that I've been able to nourish my career and really get clear about what it is I am doing and what no longer serves me.  And most importantly, I've revamped my personal boundaries so much so that I know where to spend my energy and where to hold it true to me.

Pain has taught me:

> Inconsistency is your friend and you get really good at riding the waves.

> You NEVER know what someone is going through.  I look seemingly "normal", but if you witnessed me trying to pick a pen up off the floor, you would either think I was expecting a baby or I was 99 years old. 

> My compassion has been fine tuned in a way I never thought existed.

> To trust myself.  There are so many approaches to lyme disease and diets and what is good for you and what isn't.  I've learned to tap into my body and feed it was it needs, even if it's not good for lyme.  Just as I teach in yoga, everyone is working with their own set of conditions.

> To feel.  That is no small gesture.

There's a great benefit to the pause.  And I knew this before my lyme disease kicked my ass (and my brain, and my feet and my knees - ha).  We all know this.  But it's like reading those quotes you see on brilliant cards or even on social media:  they resonate and they make sense and they might even inspire us.  Yet the day they apply to us is a whole new ballgame.

I work with a lot of people who are healing and I see and feel their resistance to the process.  I get it.  I really do.  Yet the surest way to begin the healing process is to surrender.  Surrender holds a lot of unknowns.  How freaking amazing is that?

Here's to the unknown.

If you're in a healing state, I see you and hear you.  It's a personal journey.

p.s.... use caution when searching for an image of lace underwear. 

 

How I Do, What I Do....

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So you want to know how I do, what I do?

I get messages all of the time, asking me questions, asking me to meet for coffee, asking me for the smallest piece of advice.  I don't say that in a stuck up manner.  I am grateful for all of you that reach out and I truly value curiosity.  However, I have strong boundaries with my time due to my health and my travel schedule.  I am also someone who wishes to empower you to find the answers in your own way, because believe me, the pay off is so much better when you take a look back and say "HELL YES, I created that".  Yet I do also believe in being supportive and supported.  We are all doing the best we can with what we have.  This I know. 

I am a self learner.  I love to learn things on my own and in my own time.  I will research the crap out of something until I know it left and right, up and down.  It actually lights me up to be such a researcher of my own life and career.  And I love to take risks because in my experience, that is the EXACT place where we find gain in what we are building and creating.  On top of that, risk provides us the opportunity to fail.  And if that scares you, then I'll be honest, maybe what you are thinking about doing, isn't for you.  Failing is part of the process.  Failing is needed.  Failing makes you stronger and provides some of the most profound lessons.  The most beautiful thing about "failing" (and I put that in quotes because, really, is it failing or is that our perspective?) is that we are always ok.  In fact, we grow stronger because of it all.

With all of this being said, YES, I am willing to help any of you.  Yet I offer it as a consult or program and the choice is yours, depending on your needs.

My career research and figuring out how to do what I do has cost me my time, my marriage, and my health.  Those things are valuable to me and above all, so is my own self worth and value.  This is why I am offering my tips, information, and leverage to you at a worthwhile experience and price.

I am always here for you.  And this is what it looks like:

WAIT -- you thought I was going to give you all of the answers, didn't you? 

If you have been to my workshops or retreats or know me well enough, you know that's not how I roll.  I am a teacher.  I want to empower you.  I want you to learn.  And if I gave you all of the answers, I can guarantee you might not follow through with it all.  Having the answers is boring.  However, I will give you tools and insights and ideas that are going to leverage what you want to bring to life! 

One hour (you can live anywhere, because we can skype or zoom or facetime):  $150

Three sessions (3 hours):  $395

What you get:

One hour with me to ask me anything you want.  Of course, there is a format, as I send you a list of questions prior to our session so we can maximize our time together.

We can talk:

Traveling and teaching // studio connections // building an audience // your community // thinking outside of the box // other ways to gain exposure// and more.....

If you are more interested in running retreats, we can talk:

Venues // site visits // pricing // marketing // before, during, and after a retreat // number of people // financials and behind the scenes // what to look for when creating a retreat // communication // whether or not to offer discounts // what NOT to do // what happens when someone cancels //  the single MOST important thing to do // social media // and more......

So what do you say?

The YES is what lights you up, what your soul craves, what you are meant to do.

Owning your shit is key.  Having a plan is imperative.  Knowing your WHY is like oxygen.

I'm happy to help.  Reach out via the connect tab.

 

xo




 

Get on purpose. Get off your problems.

You know that Harvard study?  I talk about it on my yoga retreats a lot... 

In 1979, Harvard MBA conducted a study on goal setting, asking the graduating class a single question about their goals in life. The question was this:

Have you set written goals and created a plan?

Prior to graduation, it was determined that:

  • 84% of the entire class had set no goals at all

  • 13% of the class had set written goals but had no concrete plans

  • 3% of the class had both written goals and concrete plans

The results?

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10 years later, the 13% of the class that had set written goals but had not created plans, were making twice as much money as the 84% of the class that had set no goals at all.

However, the apparent kicker is that the 3% of the class that had both written goals and a plan, were making ten times as much as the rest of the 97% of the class.

Putting a pen to paper is POTENT.

So my question for you is, WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

Oh wait, let me be clear.  Let me clear that this isn't about the what the ego wants, it is about what your soul wants.  When you decipher the difference, you almost hear a "click" as if you just plugged into your own self.

We don't need to be or do anything remarkable or extraordinary (that's cue for: kick the self-inflicted pressure to the curb).  We just need to pay attention to ourselves.  Our alignment.  Our values.  Our heart.  What we truly want.

And make it very clear that what you want is what YOU want.  Not what your partner wants.  Not what society says you "should" want.  Not what your boss wants.  Not what your parents want.  You get my point.

The ego usually wants some sort of recognition or fame or money or big house.  I get it.  My "want" lists have included such things.  However, as I am [forced] to surrender (literally, I've been staring at the sky for weeks because I have no other choice with my health right now), I've been able to really note the difference between our ego and our hearts.  My ego has been screaming at me -- you're lazy!  It's time you get healthy!  Do something! 

I literally had to wave my white flag.  I fought my pain and my lyme disease symptoms for so long and now I've finally stopped fighting.  I've let them be.  Quit the resistance.  And I can slowly feel the healing and see the light.  Not so easy for a go-getter kind of girl.  To me, surrender was something to be avoided by anyone who has ambition.

Yet I've learned, surrender will eventually choose you, when you ignore all of the signs and symptoms.  I stuck my tongue out at it for a while, but now I am simply grateful that I am in this space for so many reasons.

I've come to admit that a lot of things I write down that I "want" are ego driven.  I had to really get clear and be silent and peel back the layers to what was REALLY underneath those things I wanted. 

Desiring my trainings and events to always be full is a great goal, but my heart translates it as this:  I desire to be a positive catalyst; a spark-plug for others.

Desiring more money (don't we all) was translated as:  I want more opportunities for leadership and creative expression.

Those are just a few examples, but can you see the shift?  I can actually FEEL the shift.  My goals now feel differently to me and I'm feeling inspired in such an authentic way!  With my inspiration, I'm able to carry out better concrete plans and stay disciplined.

Usually what the ego wants will come to you anyway as a bi-product of focusing on alignment centered goals.

I've realized that problems give meaning to a life without purpose.  What do you think?

You know, when we are in that space of making a big deal out of the fact that our dishwasher is broken, that he said this and she said that....

Sure those are very real things that involves personal emotions, but when you stay focused on your alignment, your purpose, you have a different focus.  In fact, you begin to see your entire world as a playground and every so-called problem is part of the game, where losing a job (for example) is no more serious than spilling your coffee.  Yea... chew on that one.

When you start making an effort to talk in alignment with what you truly value and want, it's way more fun.  Ideas flow from talking this way (and it also take mental discipline).  More connections grow out of talking about it, also.  Purpose.begins.to.show.up.  HELL YES!

When you get on your purpose, you get off your problems.

Are you in?

The action steps are simple:

>Take the time and space to breathe, listen and observe YOU.

>Write what comes up.

>Re-read what you wrote and start to dissect it. 

>Rewrite until you hear that "click".

 

Surrender //

SURRENDER //

I was suppose to step onto a plane to Greece today.

But this [photo].... this is the only way. For me.

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Healing has taught me so much. And I know it's not done with me.

It has taught me to stop playing victim because I go there with my lyme and everything else in my body right now. Why me? I live a healthy lifestyle, I eat well, I am active, I am young, I meditate. So why me? I use to feel anger and frustration and a bit like life is being totally unfair to me. The days I physically cannot lift the covers off of me and stand up or sit down, piss me off.

But the victim game does nothing for us. ZERO. It only squanders magnificence. I'm telling you this because it's super fresh to me.

Healing has taught me to slow the F down. And I mean, WAAAYYYYYYY down. Cancelling trips. Sitting down to meditate more than once a day. Learning to 'DO" nothing. That is a huge pill to swallow. Usually I'll be "doing" nothing and within that space, I think of all the things I could be "doing". In the over stimulated world we live in today, it's exceptionally hard to not feel guilty or lazy or unaccomplished or even unsuccessful when you're sitting around because you know you need to.

All of this sitting around and quieting my mind has taught me that this is the only way to move forward. To heal. To drop myself and the "shoulds" and the low vibration feelings of guilt and shame and why me.

I use to think that the pause would only hold me back. Hinder me. Cause me to miss out. Lose momentum in my career. And now, I almost laugh and cry at the same time about that belief I held. No pain, no gain, right? No hard work, no accomplishments, right?

I'm learning that that is 10000% bass ackwards. But it is truly difficult to let go and trust that I would find the opposite experience in my rest: more energy (little by little and I'm noticing it). More momentum. More clarity. More "success" (whatever that means for you).

What is life without risk, without failure and without hitting rock bottom? This is where I've found my true, pure fuel that I plan to use to freaking LIGHT UP this world. Not yet...as I'm still in healing mode. But it's there. Freshness. Powerful fuel. And I hope you come along with me on the ride and we can all change this world together.

There's a personal communication when we sit down and slow down.

There's a personal connection when we sit down and slow down.

There's a personal compass and clarity when we sit down and slow down.

To heal, we must drop ourselves and everything we thought we "should" be and "do". And it's scary. But it's glorious.

And I can say that on this day where a piece of me would be PISSED and almost ashamed that I'm not going to Greece to do some yoga research, I am breathing bigger and yes, I can feel the lightness.

Drop yourself.
Drop the resistance (it only creates stress).
We have the experiences we have for very specific reasons.

I'm finding massive gratitude in this health journey of mine. But only because I finally surrendered to the course. I dropped myself and my "shoulds" and the "unfairness" I felt.

It's amazing the power and light and potential that you step into when the white flag is finally raised.

I invite you to sit down today and breathe. Somewhere. Anytime. For 120 seconds.

It might be the most powerful thing you do.

Raw and Real: My Health

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I stood over a bowl of chickpeas the other day and started crying. I was mashing the damn things for an amazing chickpea salad that I make, and just the effort of mashing was making me feel exhausted. 

Mashing chickpeas was making me feel exhausted.

This just isn't right.  I'm 38. 

This isn't the first time, and right now, with my Lyme disease fight, I know it isn't my last.  But I had to wipe my tears and keep mashing.  Sometimes I don't know if my exhaustion is mental exhaustion or physical exhaustion these days.

I often weigh in the options of sharing my health journey with the online world, because... why?

I go back and forth, telling myself that my focus is 100% healing right now and sharing just leaks my energy.  And as you know from my chickpea incident above, I need every single ounce of energy I can get these days.

On the flip side, I'm a believer that knowledge is power and if my experiences and my health journey can benefit someone else, then hell yes.

So in the end, I do what makes me feel good.  And tonight, sharing with you my most recent slaps in the face feel right.

For those who don't know, I have lyme disease.  I went through a 4 day magnetic treatment at the end of January.  The magnet is a monster sized magnet that is placed over all areas where lyme is present in my body.  It takes about 2 hours a day.  The point of the magnet is to make your body an alkaline environment.  For those who don't have lyme, you can easily make your body an alkaline environment by drinking warm lemon water daily.  For those of us with a compromised or even non-existent immune system, we need something like an enormous sized magnet.

The good news:  the treatment worked.  I had to follow a super strict diet following the treatment to keep my body as alkaline as possible (sheesh - it's freaking hard.  WHAT is in our food these days?  Don't get me started).

The bad news:  I stepped onto an airplane way too soon after treatment. 

The thing is, I'm a yoga teacher that travels.  Non-stop.  My lifestyle doesn't foster healing.  I pack my carrots (and raise eyebrows through security) and my individual packs of walnut butter and I do the best that I can.  Plus, just flying on an airplane does havoc to your kidneys.

Long story short, symptoms started to appear again.  In the same form, but this time, they came back with a vengeance.

I love what I do.  I am so freaking passionate about my job that it is a non-negotiable to give it up. However, with recent test results, I'm learning that maybe I need to create more goodness in the state of Colorado or only teach X amount of retreats, workshops, and trainings per year.  Will I?  Time will tell.

I received some test results back that made me gasp.

Rheumatoid arthritis.  It was obvious I had some sort of arthritis.  Yet the results showed my levels 426 points (!!!) above normal levels.

Epstein Bar Virus.  Again no surprise to know there would be some sort of sign.  Results showed 567 points above normal levels.

Holy shit you guys.  I'm 38 years old.

The doctor I saw today asked me how I am even functioning.  How do I work?  How do I travel?  How do I stand? 

And it made me feel grateful (and laugh).  If I didn't have the yoga practice I have, of tuning into my organs and knowing which poses help which organs and which organs do what, I might be absolutely defeated.  I felt so grateful that I know what I know.  I'm so appreciative of my self care routine.  Of my meditation practice. 

And that my friends, simply shows you the power and leverage of self care.

And as my dear friend, Elli Richter always tells me:  use frustration to fuel inspiration. 

Yes I was frustrated because I feel like I am an overall healthy person.  My body is screaming at me otherwise.  So I am taking that frustration and making small changes that will have a big impact on me.

I cancelled my trip to Greece scheduled for next week.

I'm not hugging anyone anymore, for the time being.  I believe it's a beautiful energy exchange, but right now, my energy is for me. 

Since my results also show that my body is basically absorbing nothing and my immune system doesn't exist, I will be inhaling essential oils non-stop for the weeks to come.  At least I know I can get things moving through my blood stream that way.

Will I still teach and run my events?  ABSOLUTELY.  It's what makes my world go round and keeps me inspired.

Will my responses via email and text be slower?  Most likely.  Don't take it personally.

Lastly, I connected with someone who had lyme for 10 years and he has turned me onto some amazing products that help you re-build, from the ground up.  Clean clean clean supplements (I wouldn't do it any other way, especially when my body isn't absorbing much right now) that will help my immune system revive.  I've heard it's a rocky road at first, jump starting the system (fever, nausea, etc), but I'm willing. 

Chad actually has his own youtube channel that he is getting up and running, trying to educate all of us on this nasty disease.   Check it out:   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQ6ccJjzMEnKGCFfIBIs0gg

So why am I telling you all of this?

To let you know that we all have our battles.  What's the saying -- BE NICE because you never know what battle the person is fighting.

I'm telling you this in case you feel defeated with anything in your life, YOU GOT THIS.  Making a list of small, but mighty changes for myself felt so good.

We are truly responsible for ourselves.  For our choices.  For letting a situation make us feel like either a victim or an inspired challenge where we say BRING IT (and maybe we say "bring it" after we have a good cry).

It's ok.  Whatever you are feeling, going through, stuck on, frustrated with, it's ok.

And if one solution doesn't work, you try another.  You don't stop.

If you have any sort of auto-immune issues, I see you.  I hear you.  I feel you.  I GET IT.   Feel free to reach out and share your story.

I'll keep you posted with what happens over the next few months. 

I'm feeling excited and pissed at the same time. 

What is life without feelings?

#grateful

p.s.... you need to make this:  http://ohsheglows.com/2015/07/21/chickpea-salad/

 

Discipline

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Discipline.

Sometimes it can feel like the above picture (that's an attempt at blowing a bubble -- it's not my tongue.  ha!). 

We strive for it. 
We know it's needed in some area of our life. 
But it's difficult. 
It causes us to make a change in a daily habit or even eliminate something from our lives that maybe we don't want to eliminate. 
And the moment we fall off the wagon (because it's part of the process and we have all been there), we can be pretty hard on ourselves about it.

I often feel a struggle around the word: discipline.
It seems to be a word that is strict or a word we strive to be simply to please others. 


Do you agree? 

I want to flip that and allow us to find a set of boundaries that are personal for ourselves. 
Because inspired discipline can open doors.

This is how we find that clarity and ease of life that feels so DAMN good!

What would you like to have more boundaries with? 
And how do we keep our focus on those boundaries?
We will always experience ups and downs, riding the wagon and falling off the wagon. 

It's important to remind ourselves to keep placing one foot in front of the other, REGARDLESS. 

Just do it. 

Don't buy into the hesitation that I like to call a momentary hiccup.
Hesitation can actually cause imbalance.

THIS is the testing point of the discipline that you have desired -- this is the work! 
This determination and work will open doors to the support you need.


The only person that can keep you on track, is YOU.

So make an intentions list -- what do you intend to do?

Make a juice daily?
Give yourself space?
Take that trip you've been craving in your bones?
Stop procrastinating?
Stop looking for external guidance and TRUST yourself?  Use meditation for leverage.

And most importantly, after all is said and done and written down and acknowledged:

BE. EASY. ON. YOURSELF.

After all, you are an amazing human full of abundant energy. 

You belong and you deserve.

Go get what you want out of life.....

Dream Building Secrets

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Dream Building Secrets

Riley Dayne reveals how we can quickly rewire our subconscious with the flip of the switch: literally.

Our work, though, is to know what beliefs and stories we keep telling and living. Do you know? One way to know is to simply allow yourself to be an observer of your SELF.

What do you often say?

•I don't have time
•Who would want to do that with me?
•I'll never make that much money
•I'm always late

We tell ourselves story after story and the more I listen to myself, the more tired of my own self I get. 😫

Once you've become your own best observer and drink your own truth serum, defunk those limitations and REWIRE! ✨✨

This is what you do:


••••say: "I allow myself to turn on the light" (or open the door, or turn off the water, etc).

•••• do: exactly what you are allowing yourself.

•••• immediately follow by rewiring your belief. Say: "I allow myself to have more time" (to be open to receive, to be deserving, to love myself, to feel love, etc).

The ՏՄҌϹՕՂՏϹÍՕՄՏ is where our deepest held beliefs are wired! So in the same way that we are not quite aware that we are walking, talking on our phone and sipping chai at the same time, we are also likely unaware of our repetitive thoughts, stories and limitations.

The good news is: our subconscious is a sponge and if we lather, rinse, repeat, we can easily rewire and begin to feel differently --- and GREAT!.

I've been doing this for a few days and I already notice a difference.

Try it.

Consistency is key!

xo

WTF: Why the Fears.

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Everything I'm about to tell you are things that you already know.
But c'mon friends....WHAT is going on in this world of fear right now? 

Everyone I chat with has some sort of fear dominating themselves right now, MYSELF included. 

Fear will always exist.  But many of us seem to be in a state of letting the fear win lately.
Big changes and shifts are happening. 

We are experiencing our own inner earthquakes.


But lets get clear and honest.


This is what I know about fear through experience:

Because fear will always exist, it's up to us to re-establish our relationship with it.  Lately, when I think things are scary or I say that I am scared or I feel those feelings of resistance and rigidity, I tell myself that this is simply unfamiliar.  Unfamiliar territory.  That's IT!  And it will be unfamiliar until it isn't  And then guess what?  Something else will become unfamiliar again.

The more you start to write about and explore and recognize these feelings we feel, the more you will realize that there is a massive amount of excitement under the fear.  Honestly.  What could possible go wrong? 

What do "they" say?  The bigger the fear, the bigger the joy and freedom that's waiting for you on the other side.  The problem is that no one usually gets to that "other" side.

There are no right or wrong answers.  There is no good and bad.  If you are willing and open to learn from your experiences, there is always good that comes from it (and if you don't believe it, then maybe we should do some work on subconscious belief patterns).

A trust factor must be present.  TRUST that things always work out.  And in almost all cases, better than you could have EVER imagined.  If this is unfamiliar to you, then I am going to challenge you and say that perhaps you haven't taken enough risk in life to believe in such a simple thing. 

And here we go into simplicity:  most of us don't believe in all of this because it's way too easy.  If there's no pain, there's no gain, right?  If we don't work hard, we don't get what we want, right?

WRONG.

Like attracts like.  It's the law of attraction.  So if you believe that trust gets you no where and fear protects you, then that is what you will keep attracting in your life.

It's almost like a tree trying to grow in a box.....   how does that feel?

This is what has been working for me, as I am untangling one of my biggest life decisions yet:

As I work through my own fears and what ifs and all other shit that my brain tells me, I realized that I was focusing on everything I didn't want.  Go back to the law of attraction.  UGHHHH.  All that means is I was perpetuating everything I didn't want, every day, feeling so stuck.

So, I started to get clear.  I wrote down everything I wanted.  Crystal clear.  Not maybe or if something happens.  NO!  I wrote down what I wanted without worrying about HOW it would happen or WHEN it would happen.

It's a very quick way to raise your personal vibration and get out of that stuck mode!

So each time my brain defaults to fear, I reach for my notebook and remind myself of everything I want. 

How does this help my big decision?  As things unfold for me, my decision will either fit my vision of what I want, or it won't. 

If you're serious about getting unstuck, do it. 

Just know two things:
There is no ONE way.
You got this.

xo